tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-133600132024-03-07T16:12:28.861-08:00i don't want to be herehalf-baked thoughts and full-blown delusionsHSShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09759367897044072974noreply@blogger.comBlogger71125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13360013.post-70135942694982239492019-05-15T18:07:00.003-07:002019-05-15T18:07:36.365-07:00Southwest Hospital, Main St.<div class="_2cuy _3dgx _2vxa" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1c1e21; direction: ltr; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 17px; margin: 0px auto 28px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap; width: 700px;">
Our motto, carved, glares out of every wall:<br />“That we may not lose sight of the vision.”</div>
<div class="_2cuy _3dgx _2vxa" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1c1e21; direction: ltr; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 17px; margin: 0px auto 28px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap; width: 700px;">
The lights are always on here, even when it is dark.<br />No end to the bleeding and dying.<br />The sirens wail endlessly, endlessly the cars<br />go out to bring the bodies in for dressing.<br />The hospital is understaffed and running<br />on vision and a dire urgency<br />of need. We do not lose sight--but in this silence<br />between the sirens, in the dim flickering<br />of humming lights, our vision tunnels.<br />There is no rest, here. Always the call<br />to another room, another arrival<br />needing<br /> fresh sheets new bandages<br /> set bones stitches relief of<br /> pain strengthening exercise<br /> nourishment compassion<br />Who answers these must never call, must never<br />need<br /><br />in this place--O harsh<br />the many mornings,<br />and darker it becomes.<br />O have we never known our vision?<br /><br />O the thousand cries in the dark, unheard.<br />O the stoop behind every door, before<br />opening another one, until<br />the day was over.<br />O the seven times<br />too late it was to speak, and none took heed<br />because there was no room.<br /><br />Too late. No room.<br />O blindness of the seeing.<br /><br />All the smiles propping up a weary mouth.<br />So much fraternization, so much insurance.<br />Such pressure to be fit, to be effusive, <br />to be formless<br />and void, to be conformed<br />to all that is sterilized and fit<br />for human consumption--for the staff<br />must never bleed<br /> in this place, else they would infect<br />the injured.</div>
<div class="_2cuy _3dgx _2vxa" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1c1e21; direction: ltr; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 17px; margin: 0px auto 28px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap; width: 700px;">
“That we may not lose sight<br />of the vision.”<br /><span class="_4yxp" style="font-family: inherit; font-style: italic;"><br />“that I may receive my sight.”</span></div>
HSShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09759367897044072974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13360013.post-44907545798299085542018-11-19T01:38:00.001-08:002018-11-19T01:39:00.024-08:00Tell Me SoYou're so much talked about.<br />
People think<br />
they know you, that they<br />
have a grasp on you, an angle,<br />
an in.<br />
<br />
They use you as a mascot,<br />
a notary,<br />
a patron.<br />
<br />
Something you said you cared about<br />
was your name being used.<br />
Vanity.<br />
<br />
Other people think you're one of those,<br />
the golden ones who claim you, who seem<br />
to have a claim on you,<br />
who wield your name like a stack of bills<br />
or affidavits,<br />
and look down on, or past,<br />
these others. They think that you might hate them, if you cared<br />
to see them at all.<br />
<br />
But this, too,<br />
is a vanity<br />
mirror, which when flipped<br />
upside-down, gives the perspective<br />
which you have:<br />
that those who stamp your name<br />
on their warrants and causes, who drop it<br />
unsubtly in conversations,<br />
who lay loud claim to you--<br />
have, perhaps, acclaim;<br />
but not yours.<br />
<br />
And that those who expect<br />
to be passed over or struck down<br />
by a look from you,<br />
are those whose eyes you are seeking,<br />
whose names you wish to claim.<br />
And your claim<br />
is the only one that holds, so<br />
you tell me.<br />
<br />
We can't hold<br />
in our heads a true grasp<br />
of you, though we talk much<br />
about you. The way<br />
to know a person<br />
is to know<br />
a person.<br />
<br />
Can I talk to you?<br />
I'd really like to know who<br />
You are,<br />
really.<br />
<br />
I want to drop these<br />
counterfeit bills<br />
and promissory notes<br />
I've forged or<br />
been handed,<br />
and I want to learn your name.<br />
<br />
What it looks like when you sign it<br />
with your own hand<br />
on a king's wall<br />
or the carved-out slab<br />
from a mountain's side.<br />
A hand I can't forge, a script<br />
I can scarcely comprehend.<br />
<br />
So tell me.<br />
I want to know, and<br />
I don't know what<br />
I want to know.<br />
<br />
So tell me.<br />
Do you love me?<br />
Tell me so.<br />
<br />HSShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09759367897044072974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13360013.post-13519207564448241212018-07-20T14:21:00.001-07:002018-11-17T18:22:33.071-08:00In the House of the LordYou come at me with fists<br />
closed rapping, pounding,<br />
blow upon blow upon<br />
my heart asking<br />
why will it not open?<br />
<br />
You come at me with eyes<br />
and lips spitting purpose,<br />
duty, performance<br />
action, principle,<br />
right.<br />
<br />
How you must know<br />
I am none of this.<br />
How you can know<br />
and yet permit me<br />
entrance<br />
I wonder.<br />
<br />
There are days I catch a breath<br />
of freedom, of the air outside,<br />
that breathes there is<br />
a balm in Gilead.<br />
I take that breath with me<br />
when I step back into this chamber.<br />
<br />
It lasts a sweet short while,<br />
while the closeness of this tomb<br />
presses it slowly out<br />
from my lungs, too tired<br />
to hold breath.<br />
<br />HSShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09759367897044072974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13360013.post-58631985689361238822014-02-17T18:27:00.000-08:002018-11-17T18:32:44.462-08:00Battle Hymn of the Intrepid Faithful BelieversListen up, you serious Christians,<br />
you on whom we all rely--<br />
when we need a strong example,<br />
weak-willed fools need not apply.<br />
<br />
Damn you fools, in your depression--<br />
get your faces off the floor.<br />
God despises lazy brutes<br />
who cower from the battle's fore.
<br />
<br />
Damn you sorry rabble, in whom<br />
lack
and failure coincide--<br />
Listen up, you slobs, the Bible works<br />
if you'd so much as tried.
<br />
<br />
As for all you gold star Christians<br />
winning souls, redeeming time;<br />
we are giving you a mission:<br />
Get the rest of them in line.
<br />
<br />
God rewards your utter patience.<br />
When His kingdom's glory dawns,<br />
you'll be wearing golden medals;<br />
they'll be lucky to get bronze.
<br />
<br />
Honest work. Just reward.<br />
That's the way to please the LORD.HSShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09759367897044072974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13360013.post-35115484670632125512013-12-31T10:05:00.000-08:002013-12-31T10:05:09.751-08:00Stubble<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I rage and rest.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I think of you</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">breaking the twigs of my nest.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The carpet threads, the new-</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">fallen hairs you tore</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">with clipped control, and flew.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"> I famished more</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">than on the first fair crack</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">of crying dawn, when I was young and poor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">You whistled down the seaming on my back,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">crackled my wet mouth with food</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">that overspilled like grain from a fat sack.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">It was warm on that bough, and good.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Alone and still, I heard the tenderest sound.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I feathered in your moss, your splintered wood,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">and grew. You ripped me out: </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"> clawed, cast me down--</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I feed on stones, flail heavy with the ground.</span><br />
<div>
<br /></div>
HSShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09759367897044072974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13360013.post-54812359751981569592013-07-27T09:47:00.002-07:002013-07-27T09:57:17.393-07:00Fighting<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">
It's something like a desert, something</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">
withering of throat and limbs. The blood's slow</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">
caking from the edges, saving the heart.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">
It goes a little way, still warm. A thin thrum</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">
of wings, darkening.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">
and there's that place</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">
by the shrub, where you left him</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">
like a hump of earth, the shadows of two leaves</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">
stretching over his dry lids. It's the bones of something.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">
Stooping into something like a well,</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">
a brown shallow with a rim</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">
of sallow mud, speckled with dead</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">
wings, and filling your skin.</div>
HSShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09759367897044072974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13360013.post-4820936960048705052013-03-05T17:55:00.000-08:002013-03-05T17:55:24.735-08:00Waked<br />
<div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
Father, your snow falls</div>
<div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
like leper's sores,</div>
<div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
like scales from blinded eyes.</div>
<div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
Father, it falls like</div>
<div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
your bread from heaven.</div>
<div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
<span _mce_style="white-space: pre;" class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Your every word</div>
<div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
falls like that,</div>
<div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
and washes--</div>
<div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
<span _mce_style="white-space: pre;" class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"></span><span _mce_style="white-space: pre;" class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Oh, Father, the crust</div>
<div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
falls from my dead heart.</div>
<div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
The earth breaks</div>
<div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
and the tomb creaks open.</div>
<div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
--as white as that,</div>
<div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
when the smear</div>
<div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
and the maggots have been on me</div>
<div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
not for three days,</div>
<div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
but from the womb!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
HSShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09759367897044072974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13360013.post-72741131556800243302013-01-24T13:02:00.002-08:002013-02-01T09:01:54.062-08:00FlickerI saw a flicker at the window today. A flash<br />
of orange, hornet in his beak. He looked<br />
at me, and bit his catch in two. We paused<br />
a moment at the glass, considering<br />
what creature moved upon the other side<br />
lifting the wings or arms the Lord has made<br />
for flight--<br />
or in my case, but to adjust<br />
the curtain for a better view of him<br />
at which movement he fled with his two wings.HSShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09759367897044072974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13360013.post-73511393412142965822013-01-24T12:11:00.001-08:002013-01-24T12:14:06.948-08:00Forged<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">Because
the men had work they meant</span>
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">to do,
they pulled two strips of metal</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">from a wall</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">in back of
an old church</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">(surely no
use to anyone there)</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">and carted
them back</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">and laid
them flat</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">on their
anvil. One of these</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">had come
without much prying. It lay</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">still, eager to be hammered</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;"> to forceps</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">or a
wheel. The other piece</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">had taken a
great portion of an hour</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">to wrench free; mayhap it had thought</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">the wall
its destiny. This one had bent</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">a little in
the struggle. Thus it lay</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">at angles
with the anvil, on its side</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">and seemed
to tremble as the hammer rose</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">and quiver
as it fell.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">The blows
were swift</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">and
unrelenting blows. The men</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">knew what
they were about, and soon</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">the first
had taken their desired shape.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">They set it
to its task, and turned again</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">to
straightening the other for the same.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;"> They put
it in the fire for a bit.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">The room
was dark. The crooked metal lit</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">a small
place on the anvil, where it writhed</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">as though
it felt</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">the heat,
and feared</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">to feel the
blow.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;"> How hard
it was to shape. The anvil rang</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">and rang
and rang and still the metal bent</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">and twisted
every way</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">but which
they meant. The sparks</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">flew up
like hundredfolds of dying stars.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">Perhaps
they beat too much upon one side,</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">because at
last it folded</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">on itself.
And when they sought to beat it out</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">again, it
cracked along the flaw,</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">shuddered,</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">and
snapped. The crack was long.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">The metal
was too weak.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;"> Ah, well,
the men said. It was our mistake.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">The flaws
were in its core. A solid rod</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">is what we
ought to use. We'll start again</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">with good
materials. With this they tossed</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">the broken
halves into the dust</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">outside.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">They
waited there a good part of a year,</span>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">brittle
with weather and the rust that grew</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">with every
rain, until a Hand that knew</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">its work
took hold:</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">plucked
them from the ground</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">carried
them home</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">laid
them by its fire</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">felt
them over closely for each flaw</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">lowered
them into the hottest flame</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">placed
them on the anvil end to end</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">hammered evenly on every side</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">fused
the ends together into one</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">and when the room was still, the metal too</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">was quiet, resting, ready </span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif;">to be shaped.</span></div>
HSShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09759367897044072974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13360013.post-38323739475414521052012-09-10T23:18:00.000-07:002012-09-10T23:18:41.014-07:00God Says "Wait"
In the late harsh dark
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
set rigid as the point</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
of a compass</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
made of ice,</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
one breath is pain.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
It is cold like fear. It is</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
fear, swaddled and laid beside</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
my flesh, like a stillborn child</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
that I might get warm again.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I wake a demon. Not waked
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
complete, but with hands</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
wrinkled empty like paper</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
thoraxes, hanging claws.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Sleeping screamless and open-mouthed,</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
burning like the void,
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
my eyes are hell.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I say please take it,</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
the bone in my throat.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I say please.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
God says “wait.”</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
In the bright harsh day</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
alone,</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
it is near as death. It comes</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
to my ear and breathes.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I say please take me,</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I won't sleep. I say</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
please.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
HSShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09759367897044072974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13360013.post-16753058169860032452010-11-06T22:48:00.000-07:002010-11-06T22:49:22.981-07:00That House<span style="font-family:Sylfaen, serif;">was built by my father, stone upon stone.</span> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen, serif;">Later wood was laid on, and new stories </span> </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen, serif;">and rooms for all the children. A back gate</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen, serif;">and an alcove. We were happy there.</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen, serif;">In that house, deep in the walls,</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen, serif;">termites were given</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen, serif;">in marriage and were fruitful</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen, serif;">and ate of the fruit of those trees</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen, serif;">which built that house.</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen, serif;">We noticed, bit by bit. Shavings</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen, serif;">fell from the corners</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen, serif;">where the walls met. The floors gave</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen, serif;">gently when we stepped.</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen, serif;">But we didn't mind. It's old,</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen, serif;">we said. Old houses bend,</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen, serif;">and lose things.</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen, serif;">Then my father</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen, serif;">dropped his match and</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen, serif;">the flicker caught the dust</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen, serif;">crumbling from the door</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen, serif;">and crawled lightly</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen, serif;">up the wall while we held</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen, serif;">our breath and hoped</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen, serif;">it wouldn't grow.</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen, serif;">The den went first,</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen, serif;">where we gathered. The coffee table sighed</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen, serif;">and turned over, charring</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen, serif;">in strips. We all left for our rooms.</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen, serif;">It's not a hungry fire. It burns slowly,</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen, serif;">one wall at a time. Smoke sticks</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen, serif;">in our lungs, and the dust</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen, serif;">falls grey like ash. Outside,</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen, serif;">my father's well laps cold </span> </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen, serif;">under the earth. Soon,</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen, serif;">soon it will all give way</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen, serif;">but the stones.</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p>HSShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09759367897044072974noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13360013.post-28386642409631400702010-01-03T18:59:00.000-08:002010-01-03T19:33:23.947-08:00Chewing a lot of cud these days......makes some rotten butter. Now there's a mixed metaphor.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">These Distracted Prayers</span><br /><br />Oh, my eyes<br />are on the carpet today. It's dirty,<br />full of worn threads and speckles of<br />spilled things and flattened by<br />my ragged feet, my ragged feet. Oh,<br /><br />Oh, my feet<br />I'm ripping up today. They're filthy, worn<br />tough from walking over this floor and<br />walking over this floor and walking,<br />walking over this floor. Oh,<br /><br />out you go, feet. Enough of you, little<br />ugly things, misshapen toes and dirt<br />in the nail-corners. Oh,<br /><br />babies with hands like caterpillars curling up<br />when you touch them. Cats<br />curling up when you don't touch them, sleeping<br />for hours alone. Hands<br />in their listless mooning, searching<br />for lost keys. <br /><br />I don't want tomorrow, I don't want tomorrow<br />to come now. I'm tired,<br /><br />I'm tired. I don't want<br />tomorrow to come.<br /><br />My nose slopes down from my eyes, always<br />in the way of anything, its tip. My mouth<br />I only see when I stick out my lip.HSShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09759367897044072974noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13360013.post-74968307677036894582009-07-22T10:18:00.000-07:002009-07-22T10:33:39.887-07:00Recovering Lost Ground...I haven't been writing much, and I've been thinking even less lately. One thing contributes to another, I'm sure. Wherefore it's time to take up the torch again, shake off this lazy feeling, and try to regain the ground I've lost while I've been lying down on the job. It won't be brilliant, but it will be something. These last few days I've been attempting to write something every morning. These somethings have turned out to be a series of personal psalms, most not worth sharing. But the most recent of these reminded me a little, while I was writing it, of the emotionally honest, impulsive, almost unconscious way I used to write before I knew what writing was. Which is to say, it wasn't great--but if I have to start over from the beginning, it's not bad. For a beginning.<br /><br />So we're going back to the old song and dance, the old rhyme and rhythm.<br /><br />Psalm the 21st of July. A Psalm at Morning.<br /><br />In this softer dark we rise and look<br />with sleepened eyes and elbow crook.<br />Sheep-slow, but unabashing heads we rove<br />our morning-skins as curious as love.<br /><br />We're dust to dust. Our particles of grey<br />array us end to end, and we arrest<br />a wrinkled forehead on an open chest,<br />and pressed dry lips into a smiled kiss.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">O fingers to the bone we are transformed!</span><br />and love has drunk us deeper than good wine<br />kept cold in cellars. I am yours and mine<br />you are. An ocean. Fingers in the brine.<br /><br />Alone, the sun becomes a rosy spot<br />behind the kitchen curtain, like a thought<br />that ripens unattended, it will grow.<br /><br />Alone, this cup is empty,but the rim<br />is streaked and streaked with holy.HSShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09759367897044072974noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13360013.post-35502687677695504862008-11-27T09:19:00.000-08:002008-11-28T12:15:10.268-08:00At Table<style type="text/css"> <!-- @page { size: 8.5in 11in; margin: 0.79in } P { margin-bottom: 0.08in } --> </style> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">I.</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">My God, how long</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">has it been?</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">Drinking strong</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">liquor,</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">thinking wrong.</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">Let me cut you a</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">deal. You take</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">this hand, I'll pay</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">up.</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">But listen: next time,</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">warn me. I'll fold.</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">Do you know, how long</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">it has been?</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">I've been taking small</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">doses, getting rich</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">fat elbows.</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">Probably they're</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">imprinted</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">with this table's edge.</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">This wine's a good</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">vintage, have you seen</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">the grapes?</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">Bigger than life, been growing</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">in this hothouse</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">for--</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">My God. How long</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">has it been?</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">If you're going to dig up</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">this seed,</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">you might need</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">a thicker spade.</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">II.</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">Concubines. Ever thought</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">of those?</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">What is this, why do</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">you give me this—smell it, it's</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">fragrant.<span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 153);">....</span>Taste it,</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">it's good.</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">What did you expect--</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">gratitude?</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">Charity loaves. You rub it in</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">our faces, and what can we do</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">but eat?</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">III.</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">All right, I'll pay. But don't think</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">you own me;</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">nothing's free.</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">Oh, no. You're not unearthing</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">old wounds tonight,</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">I said I'll pay.</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">It doesn't matter how long.</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">I'll pay.</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">You know how</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">this will end,</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">don't you.</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">I'll go to bed with you,</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">next morning I'll</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">be back here.</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">What does it</span></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;"> take</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">to break a heart?</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">Think about it:</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Sylfaen,serif;"><span style="font-size:85%;">concubines.</span></span></p>HSShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09759367897044072974noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13360013.post-74284476090144439582008-10-10T15:50:00.000-07:002008-10-10T16:16:19.935-07:00Emily in sleek Shakespeare, intertwined with tufts of BlakeO Emily<br />of fire<br /><br />transcending<br />veriest haven<br /><br />of contentment<br /><br />To be<br />O Emily<br />that does not question<br /><br />whether 'tis nobler in the mind<br />but sleeps--perchance, she dreams<br /><br />and, unsupposing--ends them<br />aye, there's the rub<br />the consummation Emily, too, has wished<br /><br />When we have shuffled off<br />she licks her paws. There's the respect--<br />that makes her portent Emily of life<br /><br />when she herself might our quietus make<br />with a mere shifting<br /><br />Now is the winter of our discontent made summer by<br />this Emily--a spark, a sprite<br />in the closets of the night<br /><br /><br />But Emily is shaped for sportive tricks<br />O Emily--a wanton ambling nymph,<br />O Emily, fur-tailed, of fair proportion<br /><br />what,immortal Emily<br />thou framed in gleeful witchery<br /><br />who spied<br />her shadow<br />in the sun<br /><br />and made of it imaginary puissance<br />that did affright the air<br /><br />admit me Chorus to this EmilyHSShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09759367897044072974noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13360013.post-80373762203087218452008-07-16T15:30:00.000-07:002008-07-16T15:30:28.381-07:00We are blood and<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 153);">................</span>separated<br /><br />Jesus, firstborn, loved<br /> <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 153);">................</span>and hated<br /><br />You were first--tempted, untainted<br />Sorrow-filled--with grief acquainted<br /><br />You were first.<span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 153);">..</span>Innate<br />Desire<br />Lead<span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 153);">....</span>Protect<br />Create<br />Inspire<br /><br />Save<span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 153);">...</span>us<span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 153);">....</span>all<span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 153);">.</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 153);">....</span>Persistent<br />Burden<br />Weighty call<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 153);">..............................</span>too distant<br />Pardon<br /><br />Darkness threads our weave<br />my brother<br />Broken-tied to grief<br />my father<br />Soak it with your sleeve<br />my lover<br /><br />Savior<br />Brother<br />Sister<br />Mother<br /><br />Here we flee<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 153);">..</span>our revolutions<br />Cowardly<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 153);">..</span>circumlocutions<br />Of redemption.<span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 153);">...</span>--all for nothing<br />Comfort<br />Pleasure<br />Sleep-sweet<br />soothing<br /><br />(Cursed, I never tried<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 153);">..</span>to own it.)<br />Cursed and<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 153);">..........................</span>Crucified<br />Atone it--Firstborn, make your love<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 153);">..................</span>to pierce.<span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 153);">..</span>We<br />crave your bloody,<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 153);">................</span>messy,<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 153);">..................................</span><span style="font-style: italic;">mercy</span>.HSShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09759367897044072974noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13360013.post-85785428838722578662008-06-09T22:42:00.000-07:002008-06-09T22:51:32.366-07:00<span style="font-family:courier new;">Transcript/translate</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">It matters, here</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">On this crowded bus</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">where humanity touches</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">and is of necessity</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">neither--afraid</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">nor--ashamed--</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">It matters, these nights I</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:courier new;" >do</span><span style="font-family:courier new;"> sleep,</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">when I do not leap at slight</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">noises,</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">when I--breathe,</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">and softly.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">It matters, in the dark</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">when you--forgive me</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">By day, when I</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">am not tormented</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">By this which matters,</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">and that matter which--</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">and matter, matter, </span><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:courier new;" >madder</span><span style="font-family:courier new;">---.</span>HSShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09759367897044072974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13360013.post-45075208867462293312008-05-24T23:37:00.000-07:002008-05-24T23:40:18.322-07:00a sample<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >And how sweet it is to subtly</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >fade</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >and from behind the scenes</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >scent the warmth</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >of the unaffected, undirected, unassuming</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >And how warm it is to forget</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >me</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >and blended with the wall</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >pen in hand</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >watch the kindling flames of my living kindred</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >And how many years to gently</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >break</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >and gentlier remake</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >paper ties</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >those first-born, pre-forged—into this bond of</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >(burdened, burnished)</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >death and life—how</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >full of burning glory and</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >sweet-brimming mercy</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >love, God; enough,</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >Enough! for</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >the world</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >and you pour</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >a sample into</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >my own, poor, withered, sullen,</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >heart. It beats. And what--</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >Did I say—did I say---O!</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >I told you it was worthless, this love</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >that it was wasted on worms</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >that you should take it</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >and bleed on another's grave</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >to make them clean</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >and thus, succinctly, effectively</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >spurned</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >my birthright</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >Did I say—did I step—O!<br />With my unholy shod feet</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >on your ravaged dead body</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >to pretend it never happened</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >that I was not responsible,</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >and therefore could not profit</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >like the rest</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >of the world</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >Because, naturally, you did it for love alone</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >There was no obligation. Did I sin?</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >Well, I can't help that. Don't love me, then.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >Didn't I tell you they tortured me?</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >Aren't you to blame for that?</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >Or isn't that to blame for everything?</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >Didn't I tell you--</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >that I was not responsible,</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >and therefore could not profit</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >like the rest</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >of the world</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >Did I—Did I say—O.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >You hold that foot of mine</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >Like Jacob, like Achilles</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >So that when I turn away (perpetually, invariably)</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >I twist and spin</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >Back to you at the zenith of tension</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >With a dislocated hip</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;" align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:Arial Narrow, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;font-size:100%;" >and untold blessing</span></span></span></p>HSShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09759367897044072974noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13360013.post-86874159793164296162008-05-09T09:14:00.000-07:002008-05-09T09:17:16.131-07:00Relic of my Reclusive Friday Delvings into Postmodern Philosophy. Nature of Delvings: Flann O' Brien's At Swim-Two-Birds<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;" align="left">It's bloody difficult, I think</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;" align="left">to think postmodernly,</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;" align="left"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;" align="left">with each translucent blink</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;" align="left">of life-hypocrisy.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;" align="left"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;" align="left">all intellect is only ache</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;" align="left">preponderous with lies</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;" align="left"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;" align="left">so gentlemen, partake</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;" align="left">my cake of sophistries.</p>HSShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09759367897044072974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13360013.post-80688187549185841712008-05-07T18:06:00.000-07:002008-05-07T18:07:06.070-07:00Bemoaning Insufficiency<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"> </p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Yesterday, on a whim,</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Off the oft-beaten path, </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I met a bohemian crew.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I had known them before—</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">no, not them, but their like—</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">in those days of the corner-hid you.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">You were quiet, reserved,</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Unobtrusive, resigned</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">That this transient, lucid array</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Would never admit you </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">one sliver of gold</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Would elude your perception alway</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Sweet the laughter, rung clear</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">through that house once a year--</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">So you stretched a pretentious domain--</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I had known them before</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">You had known them, and o</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">even since, we are awkwardly plain.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Tell the grand happenstance</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Feverish Spain romance</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">of the boils of pestilent sleep</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">she is searching, and see,</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">it is piercing for me,</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">one whose plumbings are not very deep</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I can see her espy</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">through one half of one eye</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Every twist of the pencilate curl</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I deny for the nonce</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">that she knew me at once,</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">she the faraway intimate girl.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Could we face her again</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Face the crew of them, there</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Having nothing so little as we</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Track their fingers through dust</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Of our mindless mistrust </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">In which lock we have broken the key...</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">And unsure, o unsure</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">how to ache and endure</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">the exposure of infinite lack</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">all my life all my song</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">is invalid and wrong</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">no such person as you, take it back--</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">take it back--</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">take it back.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Take it back.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I want somebody new.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p>HSShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09759367897044072974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13360013.post-6094178080870544672008-03-19T08:15:00.000-07:002008-03-19T08:27:22.469-07:00Some thoughts should be thought more than once in a lifetime...I recently re-read this little thing I wrote back in the summer of 2003. I need that perspective again...<br /><br /><strong><span style="font-size:130%;">"I knew you to be a hard man..."</span></strong><br /><br />Is it possible<br />To be at once ambitious<br />And idle?<br />To dream of glory<br />And to do nothing?<br />What is a dream<br />But a longing for<br />Some tangible change for the better,<br />Some possible or impossible ideal?<br />What is ambition<br />But the energy of dreams?<br />How does this fit with idleness?<br />--Unless--<br />Somewhere beneath the dream<br />Is the knowledge<br />That the ideal is impossible,<br />That betterment is unlikely;<br />And this is<br />The object<br />That quells the force<br />Of ambition.<br />Thus am I doomed<br />To waste away<br />My precious breaths<br />And hours<br />And days<br />And years.<br />--Unless--<br />I encounter<br />An irresistible force<br />That shakes the foundations<br />Of the knowledge<br />And speaks anew truth:<br />That the ideal is accomplished,<br />That betterment is eternal;<br />And overthrows the object<br />And propels me<br />By its limitless energy<br />To high achievement--<br />But only if<br />I surrender the dream<br />And the glory.HSShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09759367897044072974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13360013.post-17730206632550355482008-02-06T17:07:00.000-08:002008-02-06T17:56:26.464-08:00OoooOooo....<br /><br />A mournful note<br />from the spirit i wrote<br />in the dark of the deep sunken mildewy boat<br />that's no longer afloat, no longer afloat<br />i knew it, i watched it, i sunk it with--ugh,<br />No--I pulled out the plug.<br />and blug<br />blug<br />blug.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Oooohh!</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 204);">()</span>I'm angry, regressing<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 204);">()</span>and burnt-soul depressing<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 204);">()</span>I feel like undressing<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 204);">()</span>unveiling my flaws<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 204);">()</span>But give me a minute<br />...just give me a minute...<br />one palpable minute!<br />One infinite pause--<br />To hell with the cause--!<br />I wanted applause.<br /><br />oh.<br /><br />Grapple, beloved,<br />to the pain<br />of dislocated<br />thoughts in brain<br />and dislodged selfish<br />longings ache<br />But grapple, love,<br />this life at stake<br />not flattery, pitying,<br />nor scorn. <span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 204);">()()()()</span>-- I<br />need reason with love,<br />towards which we die.HSShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09759367897044072974noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13360013.post-72422728065437328212008-01-22T12:51:00.000-08:002008-01-22T13:02:57.909-08:00On Processing UncertaintyWell, this is what my professor called a "stunningly good" paper, which categorization she loosely defined as a n"ineffable fusion of author and topic." Essentially, it was me writing through my own terrifying mental block when it comes to writing essays of any sort. Its hard for me to have to admit that I'm not an intellectual. I'm too darn emotional to think logically about anything. There is some standard of clear thought and expression, somewhere, I am convinced--and I am convinced I eternally,invariably fall short.<br /><br />Thus prefaced, feel free to dive in...<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Rough, Bitter Prelude to Thought: Far too Freely-Written Perceptions of Personal Motivation, Inhibition, and the Illusory Goal of Perfection</span><br /><br />So this is me. An awkward way to start a paper, I agree, and wholly unprofessional. Still, it is a rough draft, so perhaps I can temporarily get away with an ounce or two of informality—or whatever is the equivalent weight of two pages. But I digress. I intended to lean this introduction in the direction of this complicated writing process we will be discussing throughout the quarter. This is my recent last resort to initiate thought, when I can no longer assemble a competent outline from my shadowy, elusive jumble of oddly-associated thoughts--free-writing. Getting out the jumbled ideas in my dysfunctional brain, throwing them onto the paper, and sorting them out, piece by piece. Somehow I always get caught, though, in the sorting stage. As the apt and thus too oft-applied metaphor describes, I can't see the forest for the trees. Or to take a different view of the matter, I find myself, anchorless and compassless, attempting to navigate an ocean of undeveloped ideas. The concepts of perfection and motivation we touched upon in our class discussion prompted me to write about this struggle in an attempt to explore and identify the inhibitions I face whenever I participate in the writing process, and—perhaps—begin to identify possible remedies. <br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">I want to get at all of my thought. I want to touch the innermost recesses, scrape the last details out of mildewing cracks and crannies and bring it under the scrutiny of daylight—I want to know it, own it, understand and impart it. </span><br /><br />I think my largest mental obstacle has ever been a paralyzing fear of failure. I learned to confront this once, using my fear as motivation for my best desperate effort—and I grew to love the process and invest myself personally in the resulting satisfaction that I had done my best, and that my best wasn't bad. After receiving my GED, I became initiated into public school for the first time in twenty years. Spokane Community College soon became my burdensome blessing, as I struggled through English 101 discovering the painful fact that excellence in writing takes more than an extensive vocabulary. Construction is but the frame for content, and I felt as though I was missing the picture. But before I could learn to smear in the basic watercolors of content, structuring an argument with strong thesis, supporting points, and sufficient evidence, I needed to have an argument to prove. I needed to know my own mind—and I didn't. I held my opinions but gingerly, ever ready to give them up if they encountered criticism. In addition, I was terrified of failure, and choked on every essay I was forced to write in class. I wanted perfection, and I knew it was beyond my ability to attain—yet the fear of failure motivated me to continue trying, seeking help, and growing in my ability to communicate thought on paper. And it happened. I remember the day of breakthrough, when a fellow student reported to me that my paper had interested him enough to want to read it, despite his usual passive indifference to peer essays. I had at last received the belated revelation of writing's communicative nature. It was not a mere product to be graded, analyzed for its adherence to composition criteria; it had a higher purpose, that of social interaction and the exchange of ideas. Somewhere between my discoveries at SCC and my drudgery at Eastern, however, my apprehension and panic at the thought of failure began to derail my confidence. My introduction to literary criticism in Binney's poetry class revealed to me the shallow depth of my understanding of literature. Rather than seeing this as an opportunity to learn and grow, unfortunately, I felt a desperate need to force myself to understand concepts that I found incomprehensible in my mental panic. I was comparing my performance to that of others, striving to force myself up to their level of comprehension and meet my own definition of their expectations. I judged every paper I wrote by the grade it received—adequate, average. I took every instructional comment as a personal assessment. “Avoid [this stylistic or logical error]” became, to my mind, “You are a pretentious fool; you fail to understand the basic concepts you treat in your papers and superimpose your own definition of another's work.” I still believe this to be true; rather than seeking to understand completely in order to write honestly and competently, I assume my own inability to understand and compose a weak definition that partially engages the topic but invariably fails to do it justice. Every work I complete is unsatisfactory—after I read the final instructional notation, taking in only the negative, I file it away as further proof of the garbage I compose when I am neither personally invested in nor completely committed to the process. I may receive adequate grades for these papers, but I am constantly discouraged by the knowledge that it was a hopeless, half-hearted effort. <br /> A second mental inhibition I have recently identified may be a contributing factor to the initial fear, and can be summarized in the statement “the more I know, the more I discern how little I know” or similar words to that effect. I understand the writing process less now than I did when I began my exploration, and it intimidates me more. I cannot write, because I know I do not know what I mean. Even after study and research, I only have a general grasp of the concepts I learn—not the deep understanding I feel I need for a competent and confident discourse. There is too much that is unfamiliar and vague, too much that I question, and the sheer volume of information and possibilities of direction often overwhelm my weakening resolve. I have come to the conclusion that my every thought is insufficient, and I must learn to think clearly before I can learn again to clearly write. It is an uphill battle of lost confidence, and I am never entirely convinced that it is not a Sisyphean effort. Having only a vague understanding of the information I receive, I get lost in the information itself without a controlling concept. I flounder and flail through my composition, grasping for the least flotation device. If it is full of air, it is still better than drowning. <br />Or is it? One of my fears, in composing an argument or interpretation of any sort, is that I will embrace an incorrect opinion or position with which others might disagree. Strike that; “incorrect” is a misleading term and does not describe my actual fear. What I fear is offering an opinion that is worse than “wrong,” of presenting an argument that is not even worthy of argument. <br /><br />I think I may have identified a diagnosis: My problem is that I focus on my limitations rather than my abilities. I should stop worrying about what I fear I cannot do and attempt to do what I can. As we discussed, perfection is subjective. I should focus on my own abilities, not the abilities and expectations of others, and work toward improving what I have. I ought to take responsibility to plan for each assignment rather than approaching it with timidity and hesitation, and refuse to define myself by the results of the process. Finally, as Professor Wichman wisely impresses on her 201 students, I need to learn to trust the writing process, and to trust myself.HSShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09759367897044072974noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13360013.post-18543938399719088052007-12-11T22:41:00.000-08:002007-12-11T23:00:38.573-08:00Renovation. my prayer.Is it possible? Forgiveness?<br />Can bitterness sleep? Can--defeatism be defeated?<br />Will everything indeed be overturned and reconciled<br />Conquered--more than conquered--the worst of things,<br />even irreconcilable evil--madness<br /><br />torturous wanderings, Jesus<br />Jesus, why is your name...sweetest<br />pain<br /><br />because I have crucified you.<br /><br />Jesus, you saw it, didn't you?<br />--and you suffered. you suffered, too.<br />you didn't make us to be whole without you.<br />you didn't come to show us what to do.<br />you came to be who<br />would bare our brokenness<br />and bear our brokenness<br />and your grace is sufficient<br />for such as we are<br />and your power is made perfect<br />in such as we are<br />and we are all hypocrites<br />we are all fools<br />riddled with darkness<br />sprinkled with holes<br />leprous, parched for a drink<br />somebody hurt us God what do you think<br />things like this break our minds, Jesus<br />things like this can terrify<br />if the almighty won't protect us who will<br />but you are in it all<br />you were there first<br />and when we see it<br />when will we see it<br />see your face<br />because you didn't make us to be whole without you<br />so we are all limping<br />and we are all broken<br />and sewing our fingers between every knuckle<br />and wondering why we can't ever be better<br />but you're only telling us, come and remember<br />eat this bread and drink this cup<br />of suffering<br />and I am with you<br />with you<br />you are not your own<br />not alone<br />come to me<br />and if you fall<br />fall on meHSShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09759367897044072974noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13360013.post-78040560078220110102007-12-08T22:24:00.000-08:002007-12-08T22:25:21.606-08:00Throes of Precluded Glory (20th century rubbish)emotion crawled like a wormy caterpillar across the page.<br />sadly <br />insufficient<br />dead. dead. dead. dead. dead. beats. thrums. hums.<br />headache in my head<br />this is a thermal avenue of change, thermal avenue of change<br />which witch wish I wish it was Monday evening and free<br />go to bed and get up and get up and get up and it's really never free<br />mind it's bloody never free from chains in dark choking prisms<br />prisms too color-coded for light, too many-colored for guidance<br />too many-angled for sight<br />tonight it's express and then garbage, tomorrow little better than nothing<br />changes<br />tomorrow we will revolutionize, recycle our selves into what they were yesterday.<br />emotion. emotion. emotion. emotion. emotion. emotion. emotion. em<br />ot<br />io<br />n<br />dripped like a sodden three-week-old wash rag, sour-grey, and dissipated<br />the page clock-stopped at 4:48 PM, Saturday, December 8.<br /><br />"what does that mean?"<br />"it doesn't."HSShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09759367897044072974noreply@blogger.com0